Premiership Weekend Roundup: October 4-5

Manchester City 2-3 Liverpool
Oh, that was just gorgeous. Ok, not Liverpool going behind 2-0 by halftime, or Xabi Alonso practically having his ankle taken off by Zabaleta. (And seriously, what is it about him that encourages people into dangerous tackles?) But everything after that was great. And even before City were reduced to 10 men, Liverpool's second-half performance was light-years removed from the way they'd played before the break. It wasn't quite an Istanbul-style comeback, but a win like this is a hyge psychological boost. If they keep pulling off stuff like this, they just might have a chance at the title -- assuming, that is, that being considered favourites doesn't make them immediately collapse.

Blackburn 0-2 Manchester United
I said when United were trying to sign Dimitar Berbatov that I didn't think it was a good idea, because he's a lazy player. And he may indeed be lazy, but I don't care anymore, because he's turned out to be a fantastic addition to the team, not only scoring goals but creating opportunities for his teammates. The score was only 2-0 but it could've been more, even if Wes Brown hadn't scored the opening goal with the help of a foul on the keeper by Nemanja Vidic.

Sunderland 1-1 Arsenal
Sunderland held Arsenal off for 85 minutes before Grant Leadbitter gave them the lead, coming on as a substitute and scoring a beautiful goal with practically his first touch of the game. It wasn't enough to give them the victory, though, as Cesc Fabregas equalized in added time -- with a header, of all things. This is especially noteworthy since (a) Cesc is roughly as tall as I am, which is to say, not very, and (b) he doesn't even have poofy hair giving him a couple of extra inches anymore.

Chelsea 2-0 Aston Villa
With Drogba injured and Anelka not 100%, apparently Chelsea are copying the "who needs strikers" strategy that Man United pioneered last season. That's nice for them. I was attempting to study for an economics quiz, so I wasn't paying much attention, apart from noting that John Terry doesn't really need to hike his shorts up that much. I'm just saying.

Other results
West Brom 1-0 Fulham
Wigan 0-1 Middlesbrough
West Ham 1-3 Bolton
Tottenham 0-1 Hull
Portsmouth 2-1 Stoke
Everton 2-2 Newcastle

Holy crap, I just realized that Hull are in third place. Hull.

Champions League Matchday 2: September 30-October 1

Aalborg 0-3 Manchester United
A goal for Wayne Rooney, two for Dimitar Berbatov, thank you very much. Let's all just forget about that weak draw with Villareal, shall we? I think it's safe to assume that Celtic are going to be eliminated at the group stage, as per usual, and based on this performance Aalborg really aren't much of a threat, so no worries until the knockout rounds start. Now United just need to get things sorted out in the Premiership.

Liverpool 3-1 PSV Eindhoven
Well, Robbie Keane scored his first goal for Liverpool. And his goal celebration looks just as stupid as it did when he was at Spurs. I think Jamie Carragher needs to sit him down and have a word with him. Or, you know, just take a look at Steven Gerrard, celebrating his 100th goal in a Liverpool shirt. The knee-slide is always a classic. (Thank god he's stopped that back-patting thing he was doing for a while.)

Arsenal 4-0 Porto
Blah blah beautiful football blabbity blah talented youngsters blah blah blee. Y'all know it's only a matter of time before Van Persie is broken again.

Cluj 0-0 Chelsea
Is it bad for me to be disappointed that Didier Drogba isn't more seriously injured? Probably, yes. Anyway, yay Cluj! Long may you inspire bad vampire-related puns in the sports media.


Group A
Cluj 0-0 Chelsea
Bordeaux 1-3 Roma

Group B
Anorthosis Famagusta 3-1 Panathinaikos
Inter 1-1 Werder Bremen

Group C


Sporting Lisbon 2-0 Basel
Shakhtar Donetsk 1-2 Barcelona

Group D
Liverpool 3-1 PSV Eindhoven
Atletico Madrid 2-1 Marseille

Group E
Aalborg 0-3 Manchester United
Villareal 1-0 Celtic

Group F
Fiorentina 0-0 Steaua Bucharest
Bayern Munich 1-1 Lyon

Group G
Arsenal 4-0 Porto
Fenerbahce 0-0 Dynamo Kyiv

Group H
Zenit St. Petersburg 1-2 Real Madrid
Bate Borisov 2-2 Juventus

Premiership Weekend Roundup: September 27-28

On the one hand, I am insanely busy right now. Booo. On the other hand, I finally have Setanta set up at my new apartment so I can watch the games properly. Yaaaay. So here we go...

Manchester United 2–0 Bolton
Yes, okay, that penalty was ridiculous. I'm not even going to try to defend that. I'm more interested in seeing Wayne Rooney come on as a substitute and link up with Cristiano Ronaldo to score a beautiful goal. And now, in seeing whether he's actually going to get to start their Champions League game this week.

Everton 0–2 Liverpool
Fernando Torres did basically nothing for an hour, and then won the game in the space of two minutes. (Should have had a hat trick, actually.) And it was an excellent performance from the whole team; they thoroughly deserve their spot at the top of the table.

Arsenal 1–2 Hull
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Other results
Stoke City 0–2 Chelsea
Newcastle 1–2 Blackburn
Middlesbrough 0–1 West Brom
Fulham 1–2 West Ham
Aston Villa 2–1 Sunderland
Portsmouth 2-0 Tottenham
Wigan 2-1 Manchester City

A recap

Manchester United: Drew with those Chelsea bastards.

Liverpool: Drew with Stoke. Stoke.

My team: Made it to the playoff final and lost on penalties.

I: Do not want to talk about it.

Premiership Weekend Roundup: September 13-14

Liverpool 2-1 Manchester United
Ok, see, this is why it's not such a great idea to like both Liverpool and Manchester United. Because yeah, I wanted United to win, and Berbatov to be amazing on his debut, and Wayne Rooney to score a hat-trick or something. And instead I got Rooney marooned out on the wing, an own-goal for Wes Brown, and the Edwin van der Sar Comedy Experience. And yet I can't really be upset, because just look at Jamie Carragher's face.

Other results
Arsenal 4-0 Blackburn
Chelsea 3-1 Manchester City
Fulham 2-1 Bolton
Hull 2-1 Newcastle
Portsmouth 2-1 Middlesbrough
West Brom 3-2 West Ham
Wigan 1-1 Sunderland

world. gone. mad.

Not that long ago, I think I was complaining about this summer having been boring in the footballing world. Apparently things were just building up quietly, though, because all in the past week everybody appears to have lost their damn minds. Managers are being sacked right and left (or not being sacked; nobody is really sure), and even more bizarrely, England are winning games!

I was debating on Wednesday if I should even bother watching the game against Croatia. In the end I decided not to, because I didn't really have the time -- or the whatever exorbitant price Setanta was charging. And I figured that the best attitude to adopt towards England games was a sort of weary bemusement. You know, like, "Oh god, what new ways to be mediocre are they going to find now?"

And instead they go out and beat those pesky Croatians 4-1. I don't know what to think about all this. I still haven't had a chance to watch the game, but I'm wondering now if maybe it would be better if I just didn't watch them again, ever, and then they can go on winning games and I can go on being pleased about it, without the unpleasantness of actually having to watch Frank Lampard stroll around in midfield and all that.

I am grumpy today.

Oh Liverpool. It is too early in the season for you to suck this badly. First the fiasco of Champions League qualification, then Gerrard and Torres both get hurt, and then an anemic draw against Villa, just to finish things off.

Meanwhile, United didn't have a Premiership game this week, because they were too busy losing to Zenit St. Petersburg in the Super Cup.

Oh, and Toronto lost yesterday too, in stoppage time. Excellent. I think maybe I'll just pretend that this week didn't happen.